Game 52- Brad Radke Night at the Dome.

S101 R9 S1 7/11/09

"I hate that guy," Guillen said jokingly on Saturday. "Rad would get you 0-for-4 and you'd go home wondering, 'How did he do it?' That's the type of guy he was. He was one of the best pitchers they had in a long time."

When I was 15, I went on a church retreat in order to "graduate" from confirmation. It was the summer of Brad Radke's 12 game winning streak/20-win season, and Radke was to sign autographs the same Saturday as the retreat at Mall of America. After begging friends and relatives, I convinced my Grandma to make the trip for me to get my scorecard signed.

It turned out that the bus to the retreat made a "surprise" visit to MOA to go on rides at Camp Snoopy, which I sneakily snuck out of to wait in line for a Radke signed Sears brand ball. I got to the front of the line, shook his hand, and got the thing signed. I barely, barely made it back onto the bus to go God knows where (no pun intended), and had to keep the ball hidden to ensure no one knew of my debauchery.

COMPANY: Wife (11)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 41,146 (88.2% full)
Seat Cost: $23.00
Parking cost: $2.00
Total Spent: $25.00
Season Total: $682.64($13.12/gm.)

Ozzie Quotes! Game 51!

S234 R30 S19 7/10/09


Ozzie on kids

"If my kids were on the field, [they were] going to get [their rear end] kicked," Guillen said. "What's Ozzie [Jr.] going to do? Eat somebody. My other one is 20 pounds and the other one is only 14."

"We have to apologize to the fans watching this thing because I'm tired of watching this day in and day out. ...Wow. You thought I was a good manager. Well, look at me now. I'm not that good. You're as good as your players are.”


Ozzie’s comments on former player (and future MVP?) Magglio Ordonez

"He's a piece of shit.”

"He's a [bleep], that's what he is. He's another Venezuelan [bleep]. [Bleep] him."

"He has an enemy. Now he has a big one. He knows I can [bleep] him a lot of different ways. He better shut the [bleep] up and play for the Detroit Tigers.”

"Why do I have to apologize to him? Who the [bleep] is Magglio Ordonez? Why ever talk about me? He doesn't do [bleep] for me. But if he thinks I'm his enemy, he has a big enemy. He knows me."

"He never was my friend because I don't know him. If I think what I say hurt him, I don't give a [bleep]. I'm not here to make friends. I'm here to win games. I have a lot of friends. If Magglio doesn't want to be my friend, I don't have to drink with him."

"A couple people asked me about it, and [I] was nice about his injury and [bleep]. I don't give a [bleep] what he does for the rest of his life. He [bleeped] with the wrong guy."

Ozzie on Jay Mariotti:

"What a piece of shit he is, fucking fag." "He's a garbage. He's always been a garbage. And he will die a garbage."

"I don't have anything against those people. In my country, you call someone something like that and it is not the same as it is in this country."
http://www.rivalfish.com/rivalroom/2007/07/top-10-ozzie-quotes.html


"Matt Guerrier and Joe Nathan were perfect in the eighth and ninth, though; Nathan notched his 23rd save and gave Minnesota nine wins in the last 10 meetings against Chicago at the Metrodome."So? I couldn't care less," said White Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski, who had three hits against his original team. "Tomorrow's a new day. We can lose 100 in a row, but the next day is always a chance to win."


COMPANY:Ab (1)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 29,628 (63.5% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $2.00
Total Spent: $5.08
Season Total: $657.64($12.89/gm.)

Super Yankee Douche Gallery- Game Fiddy

S208 R8 S14 07/09/09




Child Abuse

Artie Lange's less funny (yet better looking) cousin





Super mini jean skirt with tights pulled up past the knees, topped off by Crocs. Well played.





This "couple" was drinking Mike's Hard Lemonade, a sure sign of an Iowan pig in the city...


This guy is ready to play for the Yankees RIGHT NOW. Official Uni? Check. Yankees cap? Check. Douche Goatee? Check. Jean Shorts? Check.



Why the hell are all the Yankee fans looking at the sky? In New York, the sky is no longer blue. Due to a lethal combination of smog/smug the sky above NYC is always gloomy gray.



Diaper wearing Yankee fans. Yum.



Have you seen my baseball?




This guy was playing with the Motor for a boat that the Twins were giving away. I tried bribing the attendant for the keys to start it and thereby shred his hands all up, but to no avail.



Another Attractive Skankee






The prettiest Yankee fan in all of Nebraska.




Let's see, if I take my Cialis now, and the game ends at ten.....



Excuse me, I bought this program from you for a dollar, and Mickey Mantle is not listed on the Yankees roster... Am I to understand he will not be playing today?

o
After the game both of these men were arrested for grand douchebaggery.


Child Molester, Iowa Police Officer, or Both? You make the call.


Nebraskan "Powder" Joe Malloy makes the trip. He is the first albino from his colony to attend an MLB game. Congrats!



Kid in A-Rod T Shirt and the father who stopped loving him long, long ago.




This guy was actually pretty pathetic looking. Douche.


Yankee basketball jersey+ Ponytail= WINNER



Hey, lets us leans against this here bathroom wall and eat some snacks, son....



COMPANY:Andy (1), Wife (10)
Food/Bev: Nachos! ($4.25(!!))
Attendance:40,142 (86.1% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $3.00
Total Spent: $10.33
Season Total: $652.56 ($13.04/gm.)

"They just pretty much dominated us at home," Twins manager Ron Gardenhire said. "That's not supposed to happen."

Freaks Come Out At Night- 49

S235 R20S15 7/08/09




I went to this game (student night) with a bunch of people from work. As we all know, student night is just a massive melting pot of douchebaggery. From frat boy losers to fat chicks in hot pants I f-ing HATE student night.

So I am sitting there in the third inning with six or seven people, trying to save ONE seat for my buddy Joe in the row in front of me when three r-tards show up and try to take the ONE seat I am trying to save. The three people were as follows:

Methy: This guy was about 4'7" on stilts and had strange acne/meth scabs all over his face/scalp. He repeatedly spoke to himself and had uncontrollable, insane laughing fits.

The awkward freshman kid from Dazed and Confused if he were taller, paler and gayer: This dude was freakishly pale and skinny and thought the world of himself. This was the biggest cockbag of them all. Again....



Ox: Big doofus with a shit eating grin on his face, not much else going on with this one.


We politely told them we needed one of the seats they were about to sit in, to which Douched and Confused responded "What the fuck do you know?!" Smart.

So as the guy goes to sit in the chair we JUST asked him not to sit in, I simply stretched my legs/feet over it, forcing him to the row below. As they talked shit, I let them know that the reason they were having such difficulty finding seats was because they showed up at 8 o'clock for a 7 o'clock game. They cussed me some more and finally focused on the heffers seated next to them, much to the heffer's horror.

As the game went on, the committed several acts of douchebaggery including-

*Being from Nebraska
*Cheering for the Yankees
*Getting up EVERY INNING one by one, never as a group and always during an AB.
*Spilling beer every time they moved
*Standing and talking on the phone during the game
*One guy kept talking to himself.

But the final straw was when Joe Mauer hit a HR, and Douched and Confused guy stood up and retardedly knocked a full beer out of my buddy Isaac's hand and all over us. My feet were literally soaked in beer. Not good. The camel's back had been officially broken, and now it was our move.

The guy smirked and muttered a "sorry," with a full beer in hand. Not enough. We stared, he smiled, and the situation was not getting any better. One of my buddies told the guy he should buy Isaac a new beer. Douched and Confused responded with another smirk and another sarcastic "Sorry."

At this point I took one swipe with my mighty paw and knocked his brand new beer out of his hand and all over his person. The guy looked as though I had just scratched his favorite porno DVD and was on the verge of tears. He pleaded "I was going to buy you a new beer, man! We are just here to have fun!" The carnage was too much for this douche to comprehend. I laughed uncontrollably and told the gawky nerdouche to turn around and shut up.




The End....

COMPANY:Isaac (3), Bubbas Crew (1), Zach (14)
Food/Bev: 2 Hot Dogs (@$1.00/ea)
Attendance: 38,115 (81.7% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $3.00
Total Spent: $8.08
Season Total: $642.23 ($13.10/gm.)

So Many D-Bags, Pt. 1....Or, The Yankees Come to Town

S234 R20 S18 7/7/09







Check it out! One of the Real Housewives of IA! I'll bet the corn farm the carpet does NOT match the drapes on this Skankee!





Neck Tattoos= Proud Parents, right? Right??






Hey, I didn't know Jon Favreau's gay brother was a Yankee fan! Small world....





What do you mean the tickets here AREN'T $2,500 each? Fine, one cheap seat please.

Too Easy. Next. Okay fine, "Are all the dudes in Iowa this buff?"





Hello, 1998? It's me, Jorge!



Take off that Twins gear, bitch. No fan of Minnesota would be seen with this queefbag in Yankee gear.


Child abuse!


COMPANY: Zach (13)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 29,540 (63.3% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $2.50
Total Spent: $5.58
Season Total: $634.15 ($13.21/gm.)

See Ya, Leyland. Go choke on a cigarette.....

S227R10S2 7/5/09





COMPANY: Kev (3)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 33,274 (71.4% full)
Seat Cost: $20
Parking cost: $2.50
Total Spent: $22.50
Season Total: $628.57 ($13.37/gm.)

"Too little too late," Leyland said. "Porcello, for the first time, I thought lost his composure. And, last but not least, our starting pitchers have been getting to the point where their pitch counts are way too high by the sixth inning."

This is game 46, The Foth of Ju-ly! Nice day to spend indoors.

S234R14S11 7/4/09







My friends and family were out grilling and having fun and it was sunny and people were swimming and playing catch and making out and what not and I am trapped in a dome. At least we won.


COMPANY: None (17)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 27,238 (58.4% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $2.50
Total Spent: $5.58
Season Total: $603.57 ($13.12/gm)


Dbag Epidemic of the Game:

People wearing sunglasses in the Dome.






What the Hell? It's INDOORS! Who started this? Was it Cyclops? Can these guys shoot lasers from their eyes?