Twins sign Luis Ayala, Virtually Assure Themselves Pennant

Just when you thought the Twins were done with their offseason bonanza.

The Twins seemingly had steroid monkey Eric Gagne all but signed before backing out of negotiations in the 11th hour. Now we know why. Ol' Bill Smith has had an ace up his sleeve.

In a move sure to send shockwaves throughout the sport, the Twins have signed free agent reliever Luis Ayala to a one year contract. Ayala will be paid 1.3 million this season, or 1,278,000 more than he is worth.

According to mlb.com, Ayala, 31, made 86 appearances in 2008 for the Washington Nationals and New York Mets and went 2-10 with a 5.71 ERA and nine saves.
THUD.

Hmm, as I am writing this I haven't seen a picture of this guy yet. Based on the Twins track record....


I'm assuming he is about 400 lbs, maybe 425. Let's do a Google Image search, shall we?


Not too bad, but there is defintely a progression to largedom. Mr. Ayala, I will be interested to see how many cakes you have eaten in the offseason, and I am already looking forward to looking back on the day you were released.

By the way, number 56 makes you look fat. Go with something more slimming like 11, or eating less food.

The End.