Game 32 and the worst Usher on Earth.

S227 R10 S1 5/28/09





Dbag USHER of the game


Previously I had mentioned a particularly awful experience I had while itting in my "season" tickets up in 227. Well, we had another AWFUL one on this Thursday but at least we discovered why.

Gar, the octogenarian guardian of section 227, is the worst usher on Earth. There are only a few basic tasks for ushering at the Dome, and you fail most of them, Gar.

1. Make people wait until the end of an at-bat before letting them putz up the stairs.
I have seats on the aisle (Admittedly, a mistake in hindsight) and when people walk up the adjacent stairs, I LITERALLY CANNOT SEE HOME PLATE. This is an important part of my viewing enjoyment. The fact that you do not try to STOP ANYONE is very, very frustrating.

2. Make sure the base of the stairs is clear of lingering spectators.
Again, this is not hard and I do not see any other usher having a problem with this. However, at this particular game I had to walk down THREE TIMES to clear people just standing on the railing for over a half inning. Shit, once I actually had to walk all the way down to the railing to ask YOU to move out of the way. Sigh.

3. Hand out All Star Ballots
Okay, this part was pretty sad. This guy could not make it up the stairs without a loud grunt and desperate grab of a seat to pull himself up. That's right, the guy could not walk up stairs without support and, not only that, but he grasped desperately at the occupied aisle seat in each row in lieu of the handrail. This comically caused each person seated on the aisle to recoil in horror and dive out of his way.

4. Be Pleasant and Helpful
Wow, pleasant? Not quite. Think Grumpy Old Men, only grumpier and older. Double Sigh.





COMPANY: The G Man (2)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 23,958 (51.4% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $2.50
Total Spent: $5.58
Season Total: $351.85 ($10.99/gm)


"I couldn't believe he threw me out, honestly," Redmond said. "I don't go out there, ever, to get thrown out. Especially knowing that Joe's DHing. I can't get thrown out. I really can't get thrown out. I didn't swear at him. I didn't do anything. He just had a short fuse I guess."

Game 31 Stats and D bags

S239 R15 S11 5/27/09




COMPANY: None (10)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 28,221 (60.5% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $2.00
Total Spent: $5.08
Season Total: $346.27 ($11.17/gm)





DBAGS of the Game: ALL STUDENT NIGHT PARTICIPANTS

That's right "Cool frat boy," "Overweight miniskirt chick," "Loser teenager with a chip on his shoulder," "Group of guys waaaay too drunk," "Creepy mid-30's guys on the prowl for 18 year olds," and "Guy wearing Ed Hardy shirt and drinking Mikes Hard Lemonade." All of you.

Matsuzaka and the rest of the Red Sox righties tied a modern-day record with six wild pitches while Twins starter Kevin Slowey was the picture of control in Minnesota's 4-2 victory over Boston.

Game 30 Stats and D Bags

S234 R4 S10 5/26


COMPANY: None (10)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 20,019 (42.9% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $2.00
Total Spent: $5.08
Season Total: $341.19 ($11.37/gm)

"If the bottom of the order can start producing," Punto said, "this can be one of the best offenses in team history."

Game 29- Greetings from Iowa

S235 R3S8 5/25/09





Red Sox "fans", you owe the people of Milwaukee a great deal of gratitude.

You see, while the fact that you Iowans all come to town in your Wal-Mart bought Ortiz jerseys and pollute the Dome air with your fake ass chants of "Let's go Red Sox" is a pain in the ass, it could be worse. You could be Brewers fans.

Yes, it's true. Studies show that 80% of all Red Sox (and Yankees but this is another post) "fans" who visit the Dome each year are from...... Iowa!

This really bugs me, because before 2003 you couldn't find a Red Sox fan. Now thanks to Matt Damon, Jimmy Fallon, and steroids the Red Sox are a household name and a dairy farmer's delight.

I could understand how an Iowan rube could fall for the Cubs, since they have a lot of exposure nationally thanks to WGN and a AAA club rooted in Des Moines. The same argument could be made a few years ago for Atlanta with TBS. The Twins are the closest team geographically, and if I was a kid I would be rooting for them, if only because thats my best shot of seeing my favorite team live.

Front running Iowan assholes bug me, but this past weekend sure put them in perspective. Thank God for Brewers fans.


COMPANY: Wife (6)
Food/Bev: Sprite (1@$4.50)
Attendance: 27,636 (59.3% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $2.00
Total Spent: $9.58
Season Total: $336.11 ($/11.59/gm)

Twins CF Carlos Gomez doubled to start the sixth, but he made a lot more contact than that. Gomez took a home run from Jason Varitek with a jumping, back-against-the-wall catch to end the top of the third. Then he sprawled forward to make a sliding grab of Dustin Pedroia's line drive in the sixth. And before the game, Gomez needed two stitches to close a cut on his forehead when he banged it on a revolving door on his way in.

Game 28 and the Douchebag fan...OF THE SEASON!

S238 R15 S17 5/24/09







So, I am up in 238 watching a 1-1 tie game when Wife receives a text message. Apparently, a couple of her work friends were at the game and wanted to meet up with us. This would normally be just fine until she told me her "friends" were Brewers fans. Sigh.

I still decided to shrug it off. Brewers fans are the worst fans on the face of the Earth, but Wife is entitled to have friends right? Right?

I figured at worst there would be a couple cute chicks in Rickie Weeks shirts, cheering drunkenly and playfully taunting me. So be it. I have done the same thing in Miller Park plenty of times and I am no stranger to angering the locals when in an opposing stadium. What I got were two girls in neutral clothing (score!) who seemed drunk but pleasant. I prematurely felt as though I had overreacted and began to relax.

However, as these ladies sat down, I saw someone drooling and stumbling up the stairs in a Dorsey Levens Packers jersey. My heart dropped as he made a right turn into our row, making everyone stand up in the middle of an at bat. I nearly shit as he plopped his smelly, jean shorts wearing ass next to Wife's lady pals and began drunkenly propositioning the two 12 year old, braces wearing girls in the row in front of us. This guy was, indeed, WITH them!

I tried suuuuper hard to ignore him, despite Wife's pleas to "please be nice to my friend." I put my hand on the side of my face as a sort of blinder and apologized to the fans around us via body language.

He began with that stupid damn "Bill (clap clap clap) Hall (clap clap clap)" chant that makes me want to shove a yard stick up Brewers fan's cheese-holes. Bill Hall was not even hitting at this point, so I politely gave him the dirtiest look EVER. My hand instinctively balled into a fist as my blood pressure rose.

He looked at me and mumbled something along the lines of "Why ishh ith that thuh Twinssss alwayys can beat up Brewers, buttt no one elsse?" (Editors note: Misspelled words are supposed to imply slurring drunkenness.)

I responded with "How many Championships do the Brewers have in franchise history?" He responded deftly with "We aren't talking about football." Sigh. What do I expect from a guy that supports a team RUN BY BUD SELIG?

When Mr. Canada hit his game deciding GRAND SLAM in the bottom of the 7th, it was on. I stood right in front of Dorsey the Douche and gave him the most sarcastic thumbs up ever recorded. I stood on my chair and started chanting "Let's Go Brewers!" as loud as I could.

I even turned around, while still standing on my seat, and started deliberately taking cell phone pictures of depressed Brewers fans. Sadly, I was so excited about all of this the pictures themselves were crap, but the reaction of these turds to my pic taking was priceless...




COMPANY: Wife (5)
Food/Bev: Sprite (1@$4.50)
Attendance: 38,959 (83.5% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $2.00
Total Spent: $9.58
Season Total: $326.53 ($11.66/gm)

"Morneau's homer off Mitch Stetter came one pitch after Stetter hit Mauer in the right wrist with a pitch. Gardenhire had an animated discussion with plate umpire Adrian Johnson after the pitch, before the umpire saw the ball hit Mauer and not his bat."I didn't know what was going on and I started walking back to the on-deck circle because I thought he was telling Joe to go back and hit," Morneau said. "I just went up there. I wasn't thinking about anything. It probably helped me."Mauer, who improved his batting average to .438, homered in the first off Dave Bush (3-1) and singled in the third. He has 10 home runs this month."Making pitches to Mauer is one thing. He still hits them out," Milwaukee manager Ken Macha said. "The next at-bat, he threw him some curveballs, some good ones, and the guy gets a base hit. This guy's locked in.'"