DubOne- Mauer Morneau and the secret of Life.

S238 R22S22 5/9/09



So I had two tickets to this game as part of my 20 game package.... only Wife wanted to take her pal Beki for the latter's 25th birthday. So I would have to sit in GA by myself.

This is no big deal, as I have been to plenty of games (7) by myself this year. Justin and Joey Da Gun went back to back for the second game in a row and Kuuuuuubel almost joined them by hitting a shot to the wall in center. All was well in the Dome.

The secret to life is this: If you aren't there, it will happen and you will miss it. This rule has already come to fruition twice this year. I was late for the first time all year and missed Joey's first HR.

But this was worse. As I sat alone in GA, Wife and Beki were in the row selected as "Hormel Row of Fame." As the famous song began "If you are at the game/in Hormel's row of fame...." I looked up at the jumbo screen and there was Wife, mugging for the cameras! I have not spoken to her since.

COMPANY: None (8)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 29,552 (63.4% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $1.50
Total Spent: $4.58
Season Total: $273.05($13.00/gm)



"I hit a home run, it doesn't happen a whole lot," Mauer said with a wide grin. "Then he's got to go back and show everybody that he can do it too. I always give him a hard time, saying, 'Hey, look at me, I can do it too.' It's all in fun."

Hells Yeah

If we did anything less against something called JAkovasaurus i'd be bummed

11-0...Is that good? Game 20!

S238 R22S15 05/08/09






My love for Joe Mauer has evolved from Man-crush to Bromance to Guy Love. I'm only a couple seconds from stalker mode. Wife, however, still loves her some Kubel. What does she know? Hail Joe!



DBAG Fan UvDagizame Son



Hey, Jerk ass group of too drunk college kids: Your schtick only works if you are good looking. On a related note, your skirts only work if you are good looking, too. When you fell down a row and your ass (literally) fell out of your pants, I heard people gagging. I'm just sayin....

COMPANY: None
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 29,714 (63.7% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $1.50
Total Spent: $4.58
Season Total: $268.47($13.42/gm)

Player Hater: New York Gay Yankees

This is a new feature called player haters. I will go team by team until the hatred is complete...


NEW YORK GAY YANKEES

CC Sa-fat-thia- CATEGORY (overrated) Going on record admitting you "HATE THE TWINS" was just strike one. The way you cock your hat and continue to gain weight is strike two. Then, you signed with the Yankees and became truly hated. Strike Three-you are officially a douche. A fat douche.





Nick Squisher-CATEGORY (douchebag) Your head looks like a penis. Also, all of these photos happened....







Haha that's messed up. You slobbed on Vicente Padilla? Yuck! Just imagining Padilla's sweaty taint in my grill is enough to make me puke. You lived it.



Jenny Damon-CATEGORY (douchebag) Although your rocket of an arm makes it nearly impossible to hate on you, you are maybe a top 5 all-time douche. In ONE year you went from being a lovable caveman on a quirky team to a slicked-hair, suit wearing cockbag. Touche.

Hail, King douche


A-Roid- I dont really need to get into this too much. Just look:

John Danks, Superstar...

Game 19...No-no? No no no.

S234 R15 S1 05/03/09



Damn you Scott Baker, you foul temptress. For the second time in three years you teased me into believing that YES this was the time I finally got to see a no hitter.

In 2007 You got damn close to a perfect game against these same Royals. It was the second game of a doubleheader (due to the I-35 bridge collapse) and you were rolling through 8. You walked John Buck (Yeah, John Buck. What of it?) but it was still a no-no.

Then, noted thug/asshole Mike Sweeney blooped a single to left and that was that. But at least we ended up winning the game! This time, you were not as close to perfection, and you ended up even further from a win.

DBAG Fan Of The Game!!

Wife has a theory that people like this douchebag in a Yankees jersey wear such things to a Twins-Royals game because it's "Their only baseball shirt." I buy this theory for a small child, after all what is more adorable than a little kid wearing his full uniform at the Dome, down to the eye black?

However, when you are over thirty with your Twins shirt wearing wife and geeky kid, wearing a Yankee jersey is an automatic qualifier for DBAG FOG. Ass.




COMPANY:Zach (7), RA (2), Wife (3)
Food/Bev:None
Attendance: 31,845 (68.3% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $1.50
Total Spent: $4.58
Season Total: $263.90($13.88/gm)