Freaks Come Out At Night- 49

S235 R20S15 7/08/09




I went to this game (student night) with a bunch of people from work. As we all know, student night is just a massive melting pot of douchebaggery. From frat boy losers to fat chicks in hot pants I f-ing HATE student night.

So I am sitting there in the third inning with six or seven people, trying to save ONE seat for my buddy Joe in the row in front of me when three r-tards show up and try to take the ONE seat I am trying to save. The three people were as follows:

Methy: This guy was about 4'7" on stilts and had strange acne/meth scabs all over his face/scalp. He repeatedly spoke to himself and had uncontrollable, insane laughing fits.

The awkward freshman kid from Dazed and Confused if he were taller, paler and gayer: This dude was freakishly pale and skinny and thought the world of himself. This was the biggest cockbag of them all. Again....



Ox: Big doofus with a shit eating grin on his face, not much else going on with this one.


We politely told them we needed one of the seats they were about to sit in, to which Douched and Confused responded "What the fuck do you know?!" Smart.

So as the guy goes to sit in the chair we JUST asked him not to sit in, I simply stretched my legs/feet over it, forcing him to the row below. As they talked shit, I let them know that the reason they were having such difficulty finding seats was because they showed up at 8 o'clock for a 7 o'clock game. They cussed me some more and finally focused on the heffers seated next to them, much to the heffer's horror.

As the game went on, the committed several acts of douchebaggery including-

*Being from Nebraska
*Cheering for the Yankees
*Getting up EVERY INNING one by one, never as a group and always during an AB.
*Spilling beer every time they moved
*Standing and talking on the phone during the game
*One guy kept talking to himself.

But the final straw was when Joe Mauer hit a HR, and Douched and Confused guy stood up and retardedly knocked a full beer out of my buddy Isaac's hand and all over us. My feet were literally soaked in beer. Not good. The camel's back had been officially broken, and now it was our move.

The guy smirked and muttered a "sorry," with a full beer in hand. Not enough. We stared, he smiled, and the situation was not getting any better. One of my buddies told the guy he should buy Isaac a new beer. Douched and Confused responded with another smirk and another sarcastic "Sorry."

At this point I took one swipe with my mighty paw and knocked his brand new beer out of his hand and all over his person. The guy looked as though I had just scratched his favorite porno DVD and was on the verge of tears. He pleaded "I was going to buy you a new beer, man! We are just here to have fun!" The carnage was too much for this douche to comprehend. I laughed uncontrollably and told the gawky nerdouche to turn around and shut up.




The End....

COMPANY:Isaac (3), Bubbas Crew (1), Zach (14)
Food/Bev: 2 Hot Dogs (@$1.00/ea)
Attendance: 38,115 (81.7% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $3.00
Total Spent: $8.08
Season Total: $642.23 ($13.10/gm.)