TP: San Diego Padres

Mr. O blogs from his parents basement. You can read him here, in this sentence. For a refresher on what the categories mean, click hurr.



Where have you gone Ninja Tur.....er.... Tony Gwynn??




1. COUCH FACTOR- Quick name five players on San Diego. Adrian Gonzalez, Jake Peavy, then shit... nothing. How about Edgar Gonzalez, the most shameless sibling hiring this side of Jake Mauer? This is definitely not making me want to put down the bong and head to the dome. They got nothin. 1 POINT



2. LOVE/HATE FACTOR- There are some borderline hateable players, but no one that draws any true ire from Mr. O. Last year, they had a bunch of players I hate: Mark Prior, Khalil Greene, Brian Giles. This year, only wifebe BP ater Giles is a true douche. Also, Henry Freaking Blanco is close. So close. Overall, I look at this team with a certain amount of disdain. 3 POINTS



3. OBNOXIOUS OPPOSING FAN FACTOR- I only know one Padres fan, Mike B. And while B can be obnoxious at times he certainly is not more than 1 point's worth. Also, I have never met another SD fan in my life and I doubt I ever will. 1 POINT


4. BP FACTOR: A. Gonzalez poked 36 HRs last year, and he is a left handed hitter. If San Diego were to visit the Dome (which they will not), this would be worth 2 POINTS. However, the Padres have only one other player with 20 homers (Kan Kouzmanoff)! What the hell!? Is this the mid-90's Twins? 0 POINTS


E. TAUNTABILITY> They have MEN on their team named: Adrian(Gonzalez), Jody(Gerut), Chase(Headley), Cla (Merideth; I refuse to call him CLAY by the way. He is CLAW. That is all), Everth (Cabrera), and Cha (Seung Baek). Seriously, I wouldn't even have to try my hardest to make fun of these guys for three hours. I predict three non-roster invitees make the team out of Spring Training: Emil (Brown), Oneli (Perez) , and Colt (Morton). 4 POINTS



VI. WOULD WIFE GO? Yes. Wait, wait. She thought I was asking if she would go to San Diego. That's not really the same thing. When asked what she knows about the Padres, she responded "Um, they are in San Diego, and you don't like them for some reason. Otherwise, nothing. The Padres? (Confused look).... Sorry." 2 POINTS



7. ARE THEY GOOD? Do you love average pitching with awful hitting? Do you love home games in a stadium so huge that premier home run hitting free agents avoid us like the plague? How about cheap, clueless ownership with no sense of loyalty (See: Hoffman, T)? Then come cheer on the PAD's! We have a Chicken for a mascot!! Sweet! 2 POINTS (0 POINTS IF PEAVY TRADED)



13 Points. Not good, but almost double Baltimore's total. Which isn't saying much I suppose.

UP NEXT>>>> SAN FRAN-ZITO GIANTS