TP: San Francisco Fairies

Required reading: The Crazy Crab



1. COUCH FACTOR- This is a unique case, as they do have two entertaining starters in Lincecum and Johnson, but they have absolutely NOTHING on offense. What ever happened to JT Snow? I used to have all the JT Snow rookie cards. If Lincecum brings his act to town, the Giants earn 7 POINTS. If there is no Timmy, but you get Randy J, or J Sanchez the Giants receive 4 POINTS. If you miss those three starters you are left with these players on offense:

	Catchers	B/T	Ht	Wt	DOB
	20 Steve Holm	R/R	6-0	210	10/21/79
	1 Bengie Molina	R/R	5-11	225	07/20/74
	Infielders	B/T	Ht	Wt	DOB
	13 Brian Bocock	R/R	5-11	185	03/09/85
	21 John Bowker	L/L	6-2	200	07/08/83
	7 Emmanuel Burriss	S/R	6-0	190	01/17/85
	19 Kevin Frandsen	R/R	6-0	185	05/24/82
	50 Conor Gillaspie	L/R	6-1	200	07/18/87
	5 Travis Ishikawa	L/L	6-3	225	09/24/83
	16 Edgar Renteria	R/R	6-1	200	08/07/75
	57 Ryan Rohlinger	R/R	6-1	195	10/07/83
	48 Pablo Sandoval	S/R	5-11	245	08/11/86
	8 Eugenio Velez	S/R	6-1	160	05/16/82
	Outfielders	B/T	Ht	Wt	DOB
	14 Fred Lewis	L/R	6-2	200	12/09/80
	33 Aaron Rowand	R/R	6-0	220	08/29/77
	12 Nate Schierholtz	L/R	6-2	215	02/15/84
	2 Randy Winn	S/R	6-2	195	06/09/74

(mlb.com)

Yikes. I would rather watch Oprah with Wife. 2 POINTS



2. LOVE/HATE- The most hateable player of all time used to call this team his. They also currently employ such losers as Barry Zito, Randy Johnson, Aaron Rowand and Edgar Renteria. All awful, but not necessarily hate-worthy. The flip side of this is the fact there really isn't anyone who could be considered "Lovable." 2 POINTS



3. OBNOXIOUS OPPOSING FAN FACTOR- The short story of Jake Frazier is definitely worth 3 POINTS on it's own. San Francisco fans are also douche bags for being such ardent Barry Bonds apologists. 5 POINTS



4. BP FACTOR- Oh, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no. This will not do AT ALL. The leading home run hitter on this team is a flippin' Molina, and he only had 16 HRs?!?! Oh, man that's tough. Nap time. MINUS 2 POINTS



5. TAUNTABILITY- How am I supposed to taunt people when I am falling asleep? Easy. Barry Zito remains one of the easiest heckler targets in all of sport. His 7 year, 126 million dollar contract almost makes him too easy to pick on. The guy was 10-17 last year, and he made 18 million!! I remember yelling at Joe Mays a few years ago after (another) awful start that he should have to buy everyone in the stands a beer.

Put it this way: Zito makes about $515,000 per start. At home he was just 3-11. The Giants averaged 35,356 fans per game. At $7 a beer he would forfeit $247,492 in salary. So for pitching like he did June 18 last season, he would walk with approximately $267,000 for pitching for two innings. I may never make that much in a year.... 6 POINTS



6. WOULD WIFE GO? "Who does San Francisco have? They have the guy from that commercial....and do they still have Barry Bonds? Is he on the Yankees now? It seems like he's on the Yankees." 3 POINTS



7. ARE THEY GOOD? It's Saint Patty's day today, but all the Green Beer in the world could not dilute me into considering this team anything even resembling "good." The Giants would not be a .500 team in AAA. 1 POINT


Total: 17 Points. Bring out your dead! Aka Pirates up next....