On Children, Baseball and the Unhealthy Marriage Between the Two. G25

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So I have a "20 game Gold Glove" package of Twins season tickets. I realize this puts me low on the season ticket holder totem pole, but what happened today was pretty ridiculous.

Apparently, today was poorly supervised and under-chaperoned kids day at the Dome. (First of all I should note: I like kids just fine. They rub me the wrong way sometimes but for the most part I am patient enough to handle them just fine.) That being said, I was more than a little overwhelmed when I got to section 227 and saw my two seats taken by a pair of acne faced 12 year olds and my row, the row in front of it and the row behind me literally crammed with junior high kids.

We asked the kids to move, but they just gave us a bunch of attitude and went and talked to their teacher. Meanwhile I went and spoke to the usher, "Gar," who seemed crabby at best. I tried explaining my situation and I asked if we could move down a few rows. He replied that we could not, because those seats are $4 more per game. I was losing my patience and asked him if it was really necessary to make me sit in "the middle of a sea of pre-pubescent children." He responded that since my seats were on the aisle "I wasn't in the middle of anything." Asshole.

So we sat in our seats (which were being kicked the whole time) and waited for the game to begin. Within three minutes an overwhelmed teacher was on the steps sitting next to me. She wanted to see my tickets. I was happy to oblige, without making any eye contact. I was feeling less than generous at the time and was pretty upset at how the situation was unfolding.

"I was under the impression that we had reserved this block of seats," she began. "I want to see if you guys are in the right spot." She looked at the tickets and wouldn't you know it we were in the right seats. Weird. I barely ever come here I can't believe I was right.

"So guys, I'm not trying to tell you what to do but we were short a couple seats and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind moving down a row. Besides, you know how junior high kids will just be up and down the whole game so maybe you would just be more comfortable moving."

Fine. We will f-ing move. Out of my "Season Tickets." Into seats owned by someone else, who will inevitably show up in the third inning and make us get up and move embarrassingly in the middle of an inning. And wouldn't you know it, they did. So we moved in a few seats, behind a fried-out homeless guy and next to a lady who glared and plugged her ears every time I clapped.

The best part of row nine was the characters who insisted on getting up to smoke one-by-one at inappropriate times in the game. They included the guy who looked like he was in the Partridge Family in the 70's and never lost the haircut; The three lesbians (one of whom inexplicably wore a chef's hat); a guy that looked like Jon Voigt from 'Deliverance'; and a huge girl with an ankle, wrist and knee brace. At one point she had a tray with a waffle cone, beer, large soda, nachos and peanuts. Diabetes!

The tipping point was when I felt the drip down the back of my sweatshirt. Already sure I had been spilled on, I stood up to survey the damage. I was now wearing a malt cup, stick and all! I was delighted that not only had I been spilled on but that the fat turd girl (who had CLEARLY had enough malt cups for one pre-teen in her day) decided not to tell me this had happened allowing it to dry. It was at this point I called it a day.

Sigh.



Oh yeah- the Twins scored 6 runs in the bottom of the seventh off a depleted bullpen, namely Bobby Seay, to win 6-5.



DBAG Fan O' the Game!

This guy sprinted down an entire row to wrestle a foul ball out of an elderly man's hands. I am not exaggerating. He tore it from this poor guys mitts.



COMPANY:Isaac (1)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 26,046 (55.9% full)
Seat Cost: $21.00
Parking cost: $1.50
Total Spent: $22.50
Season Total: $307.29($12.29/gm)