NL West (Because I can't just skip one division)

No idea wtf this is all about, but I do see a Vick jersey. Yikes.



1. Los Angeles Dodgers- I mean, the other teams in this division are pretty bad, and the Dodgers are just kind of bad. I mean, they have some good players but they overpay for them. Their pitching, especially starting pitching, is suspect. Their highest paid player is notorious for pouting and sitting out games over mysterious "injuries." But, who is going to beat them? San Fran? No. San Diego? Sigh. The only team dec enough to make even a mini-run at LA is Arizona and I can't see that happening.

2. Arizona DBacks- Their most marketable player is Eric Byrnes. Why the hell does everyone love Eric Byrnes so much. I mean, really? FSN Arizona actually gave this guy his own show! To wit:

So, he dresses up like Hulk Hogan?! Cool! And did you hear him growling at those kids? Brilliant!! There isn't a big enough SIGH in the world. This is a guy who has had exactly ONE good season in the majors and makes 11.6 million dollars this year... As Seinfeld would say, "Good luck with allllll of that."

3. Colorado Rockies- The Rockies will suck. Luckily for them, the Giants and Padres exist. Call me crazy, but I haven't been a fan of this team since Todd Helton fell off the face of the earth. (What's that? He still plays?! And makes 16.6 million! No way.) Anyhoo, this is one of the more unremarkable teams in MLB. Brad Hawpe? Clint Barmes? No thanks.

4. San Francisco Giants- Even though I realize that for whatever reason I have mentioned money in each and every one of these NL West capsules, I am bringing it up again. The Giants boast what many consider to be the two worst contracts in all of baseball. Edgar Renteria (Two Years, 18.5 million) and of course the infamous Zito contract (7 Years, 126 million). Maybe they should trade for Carlos Silva to complete the trio.

500. San Diego Padres- No one wants to talk about the Padres, who will lose 110 games this year. Let's talk about San Diego instead.

Ron Burgundy: 1001, 1002, 1003.
Veronica Corningstone: Uh, Mr. Burgundy? Helen said that you needed to see me.
Ron Burgundy: Oh, Miss Corningstone. I wasn't expecting company. Just doing my workout. Tuesday's arms and back.
Veronica Corningstone: Well, you asked me to come by, sir.
Ron Burgundy: Oh, did I?
Veronica Corningstone: Yes.
Ron Burgundy: Ohh, it's the deep burn. Oh, it's so deep. Oh, I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many. I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand.

Ron Burgundy: Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.
Veronica Corningstone: No, there's no way that's correct.
Ron Burgundy: I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago.
Veronica Corningstone: Doesn't it mean Saint Diego?
Ron Burgundy: No. No.
Veronica Corningstone: No, that's - that's what it means. Really.
Ron Burgundy: Agree to disagree.