This is game 46, The Foth of Ju-ly! Nice day to spend indoors.

S234R14S11 7/4/09







My friends and family were out grilling and having fun and it was sunny and people were swimming and playing catch and making out and what not and I am trapped in a dome. At least we won.


COMPANY: None (17)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 27,238 (58.4% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $2.50
Total Spent: $5.58
Season Total: $603.57 ($13.12/gm)


Dbag Epidemic of the Game:

People wearing sunglasses in the Dome.






What the Hell? It's INDOORS! Who started this? Was it Cyclops? Can these guys shoot lasers from their eyes?

Fourty- Five: A Three Hour Tour......A Three Hour Tour.

S236 R12 S16 7/3/09



The game itself went 16 innings, and featured the Twins coming back from a 7-1 deficit in the sixth inning off failed starter (and apparently failed reliever) Zach Miner. The Twins suffered the loss, 11-9, after R.A. Dickey ran out of gas at approximately midnight. Pretty epic stuff.

But this site isn't about that stuff. No sir, this site is here to bring you mainly one thing:

DBAG FAN OF THE GAME!!!!!!!
(NOTE: During the All Star Break, We will name the DBag Fan All Star Team! Vote Now!)





Wow. Where Do I begin? I hate to do it but here come the bullet points..

- I wish I could have gotten a better picture of this guy's haircut. It looked like someone gave him a bowl cut with their eyes closed, prompting me to ask him if he cut his own hair just for this game. For the entire duration of the game I addressed him as "Lloyd Christmas." Sad thing is, he responded every time.

- Dude buys one beer from a vendor in the first inning with a hundred dollar bill. What an asshole thing to do. Also, did not tip.

- Stood and cheered way too loudly anytime the Tigers so much as made a routine play in the field.

- Had a girlfriend that was MAYBE 19 but looked 12. Keep in mind, this guy was old enough to drink. She was about 5'0" and 80 lbs. Tiny. Disgusting.

- And the Coup De Grace for this Dbag of the year nominee was the point in the 12th inning when the guy wandered into the row in front of his, and began looking around on the ground intently. Perhaps he was looking for a cell phone part, I thought. Maybe, he has misplaced a contact lens, or cannot find his car keys.

I learned never to give a douchebag the benefit of the doubt: The guy was literally scouring the ground for peanuts that he later shared with his "girlfriend." Floor peanuts. I wish I was making this up.


COMPANY:Naj(2)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 33,368 (71.6% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $2.00
Total Spent: $5.08
Season Total: $597.99 ($13.28/gm)

Game 44- And that's all I have to say about that

S234R10S11 6/21/09










Luis Ayala, please DO let the door hit you on the way out. You suck.

Your Pal,
Dave


COMPANY: Isaac (2)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 39,659 (85% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $2.00
Total Spent: $5.08
Season Total: $592.91 ($13.47/gm)


"We just made two mistakes that cost [Perkins]," Gardenhire said. "They aren't errors on the board, but they're mistakes. We missed the play in right and we didn't cover first base. There's your ballgame."

Game 43 Yee Haw!

So tonight was Twins Cowboy hat night. I circled this date on the calendar in April, and knew I needed one. What I didn't anticipate was everyone and their brother also having the same idea.

During my day at work, it seemed like everyone visiting said they were on their way to the Twins game, and that they were going to get there early to get a cowboy hat. Two buddies had texted me the same. The gates opened at four for the six pm game and there were 10,000 hats available. I was scheduled to be off work at 5. Uh-oh.

I am not a cowboy, at all. In fact Brokeback Mountain pretty much ruined the whole cowboy deal for me. But there was something about that hat that simply called my name. I knew that no job could keep me from my newest irrational need.

I talked my way into leaving work at 3:45, and hit the road.

Parking at a meter, I made my way to the Metrodome. As I passed HCMC I had a terrible realization: Today is the "Twins Autograph Party." That means thousands of fans would be there already, standing in hours-long lines to collect signatures of millionaires for decoration and/or profit.

I was skeptical, even as I approached the gates at the early hour of 4:15. And the hats were gone.

No, I'm just kidding. I got one. But they were all gone by 5:05, and they are currently selling for (relatively) big bucks right now on ebay.




COMPANY: None (16)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 34,710 (74.4% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $2.50
Total Spent: $5.58
Season Total: $587.83 ($13.67/gm)



D-Bag FAMILY of the Game!

This guy had on a bright yellow Kobe Bryant jersey with no undershirt with bright yellow breakaway pants to match. To make matters worse, his daughter (?) was wearing a 99 Ramirez Dodgers jersey. Super yikes.

Game 4-Deuce! The Astros! Interleague Sure is Neat!

S234 R2 S11 6-19-09







Here are the NL teams, in order, I would have liked to see visit the Dome this year.

1. Milwaukee- I love beating up the Brewers, and I hate their entire franchise from the owner to the fans- Most of whom look like this:
2. New York Mets- Would have been cool to see Johan one more time in the Dome.

3. Chicago Cubs- We have played them often enough that this may turn into a nice mini-rivalry.

4. LA Dodgers- The Dodgers have lots of nice young players that would be worth a watch.

5. St. Louis Cardinals- They have Albert. That is all.

6. Philadelphia Phillies- Defending champs.

7. Atlanta Braves- This seems like it should be more of a rivalry, just because of '91.

8. San Francisco Giants- Lincecum fun to watch dominate, Zito fun to watch GET dominatED.

9. Colorado Rockies- Fun team that plays the game the right way

10. San Diego Padres- A-Gonz destroys the short right field porch in BP, off Liriano....

11. Cincinnati Reds- Jay Bruce, Volquez and Cueto worth the price of admission.

12. Washington Nationals- Easy wins, baby

13. Florida Marlins- Hanley would be cool to see, the rest are admittedly boring.

14. Arizona Diamondbacks- this team does NOTHING for me.

15. Pittsburgh Pirates- narrowly edge out the Astros because of one man: McCutchen

16. Houston Astros- sigh. What a bunch of turd farmers.



COMPANY: None (15)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 32,218 (69.1% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $3.00
Total Spent: $6.08
Season Total: $582.25 ($13.86/gm)


"It's nice and it certainly comes after my name, but the fact that I have 10 wins I think means a whole lot more because we have 10 more wins as a team," said Slowey, who threw 90 pitches over six innings and was pulled after feeling tightness around his rib cage.

Game 41, A Day Game, Against the Pirates. Joy.

S234 R10 S18 6/18.09



Isn't the Pirates name/logo a little offensive to Somalis? They are very, very proud of their heritage.



No, but really. This is not a very good Twins team. They are missing ONE (1)- SP, ONE (1)- Reliever ONE (1)- Right handed DH and ONE (1)- leadoff man.

By this time last year, I could tell that the '08 team had a little 2006 in them. I feel nothing of the sort this season. Sad but true.

COMPANY: None (14)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 30,670 (65.8% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $2.00
Total Spent: $5.08
Season Total: $576.17 ($14.05/gm)




Dbag Abusive Parent/Burn victim of the game!

I love parents with leashes for their children. This Pirate fan had his four year old on a leash while they walked up the section, but the guy had no problem letting the same kid go to the bathroom by himself! Wtf?

This guy fed his kids Coca-Cola and Cotton Candy, then go suuuuper frustrated that they wouldn't sit still. Adding insult to redneckery, he didn't let his "daughter" get a malt cup because she was "Wearing a Twins hat." Sigh.


"They need to take that thing off. Take it off," Morgan said of the Teflon roof as he chuckled. "I don't want to see this place no more. They can come blow this [thing] down."

Game 40- Lower Level (We get the lifeboats!)

S132R28S8 6/17/09






Did you know that if you look in the right place you can find a Mello Yello fountain soda in the Metrodome? What?

Of course you should care about this.


COMPANY: Marty (3)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 30,057 (64.5% full)
Seat Cost: $0
Parking cost: $2.00
Total Spent: $2.00
Season Total: $571.09 ($14.27/gm)



DBAG Fan of the Game

EVERY PIRATES FAN EVER. Every hit, one of these clowns would stand up and cheer wildly. These two were particularly bad. I was already annoyed by the pit-stained Pittsburgh fans when I noticed they were both drinking Mike's Hard Lemonade. What a couple of




"It's really frustrating, because every time I miss one pitch it just changes the whole game," Liriano said. "I don't know what to do anymore."

Game 39....Thanks, Selig. The Pirates come to the Dome!

S234 R3 S10 6/16/09



Andrew McCutchen is going to be a superduperstar someday very soon. Maybe I am out of the loop but I haven't heard a ton about this kid. I have a feeling I will be very soon.

He covered a ton of ground at the Dome in CF this entire series, and he has a TON of speed on the basepaths. Conversely, Nyjer Morgan lost THREE balls in the roof during this series. Ouch.



COMPANY: None (13)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 25,351 (54.4% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $2.00
Total Spent: $5.08(Thats more like it...)
Season Total: $569.09 ($14.59/gm)


DBAG Beyotch O da Game

This lady in a pink shirt, who sternly told me to sit down when I stood and cheered for my man-crush, Joe Mauer. Lady, if you are reading this- You are fat. There I said it. Now go get therapy and learn how to not talk for three minutes. Sheesh.


After three singles up the middle, Mauer, protecting the plate, hit a down-and-in pitch between first baseman Adam LaRoche and the bag for an RBI double in the sixth."He should be MVP," said Pittsburgh starter Paul Maholm. "You throw him a breaking ball and he doesn't really budge. I threw some sinkers inside and he somehow inside-outs it and hits ground balls up the middle hard. You're not really getting in on him."

Game 38, It's okay to lose....

A314 R7S118 6/14/09



" I hate the Cubs, and their fans. How you can you just be so okay with losing?"
-Anonymous.



It's true. Cubs fans for the most part are a bunch of spoiled retards. They go to their amazing stadium, pay 50 bucks to sit in the outfield and 7 bucks a beer, and keep coming back even though the team hasn't won ANYTHING in over 100 years. Sigh.

COMPANY: Wife (9), Zach (12)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 40,814 (99.2% full)
Seat Cost: $55.00
Parking cost: $5.00 Train Pass+$4.00 Park N Ride= $9.00
Total Spent: $64.00
Season Total: $564.01 ($14.84/gm)

DBAG Fan-O-Game

Milton Bradley is a retarded retard's retarded son. After a weekend in which he lost a ball in the sun and tossed a ball into the stands that was actually only the second out in the inning, I taunted the crap out of him Sunday afternoon. Then, this guy (pictured) stood up, walked down the row and asked me loudly "Have you EVER even MET Milton Bradley? How do YOU know he is SUCH a JERK!?" I could only laugh as the vein in this guy's neck began to bulge. Want to know how I know you are gay? You stick up for Milton Bradley.

Crain couldn't escape in the bottom half, and the latest meltdown left his ERA at a whopping 8.15."You try to find the right situation to put him in ballgames, but when you get to this point there is no right situation," manager Ron Gardenhire said.

Game 37, Rainy Dreary....Amazing

S209R2S10 6.13.09




It would literally have to rain blood for me to be miserable at this ballpark. It was cold, windy and wet but still awesome. Jason Kubel ripped one out of the park and the Twins cruised 2-0..... Can we build the Cubs a new stadium and somehow transport Wrigley here? I heard the Pohlads have a little money.

It's cold and damp. Except the fat drunk chicks in the bleachers.


When do we stop calling him "Baby Jesus" and simply start declaring him God?
Justin Morneau, who may or may not get sick of all the attention Mauer gets eventually.

Kuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuubel. Just before he literally hit one out of the stadium. Wow.


COMPANY: Wife (8)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 40,899 (99.4% full)
Seat Cost: $55.00
Parking cost: $5.00 Train Pass+$4.00 Park N Ride= $9.00
Total Spent: $64.00
Season Total: $500.01 ($13.54/gm)

CHICAGO -- The way he dominated, Anthony Swarzak certainly pitched like a major leaguer Saturday, and he probably will be again.

For now?Back to the minors, kid.In an odd twist, the Minnesota Twins optioned the 23-year-old rookie to Triple-A Rochester after he scattered four hits over seven innings in a 2-0 victory over the Chicago Cubs on Saturday afternoon.

Game 36, Live from Heaven on Earth.

Aisle314 R3 S118 6/12/09




My buddy recently moved to Brazil (read his adventures here) and after visiting Rio de Janeiro, he declared it "Heaven on Earth." However, he is a drooling idiot. For you see, Wrigley Field in Chicago, IL is truly Heavenly. Mostly pictures and some words below.

Ozzie Guillen observes Cubs fans entering the stadium.

Grabbing bleacher spots....Row 3 Right Field. 75 and sunny. Sick.

Is there a better job on Earth than being the guy that updates the manual scoreboard at Wrigley? Maybe bullpen catcher, but the list ends there...


Jason Kubel feels a migraine coming on after Delmon Young says "Hello."


At this point, I would be comfortable paying 50 bucks to watch Joe Mauer jog around the outfield. Don't judge me.



DBAG fan of the Game

All in all, the Cubs fans we met were pretty cool. However, this guy was a real asshole. Waaaaay too drunk and full of spittle, this guy nearly ruined my perception of Chicago, let alone Cubs fans. Also, he looks exactly like Rowan Atkinson. This is NOT good.


COMPANY: Wife (7), Zach (11)
Food/Bev: 2 Hot Dogs@$4.00 ea./ 1 Lemonade ($4.00)= $12.00
Attendance: 41,509 (100.8% full)
Seat Cost: $55.00
Parking cost: $5.00 Train Pass+$4.00 Park N Ride= $9.00
Total Spent: $76.00
Season Total: $436.01 ($12.11/gm)

Twins fans in the crowd of 41,509 probably weren't the ones giving Bradley the business for his many misdeeds.He lost Jason Kubel's pop-up in the sun for a single, couldn't catch Michael Cuddyer's RBI bloop double, made a baserunning blunder and, most egregiously, flipped the ball into the stands after catching Mauer's one-out sac fly.

Game 35?! Already?!

S234 R15 S11 6/4/09






Gee Whiz. Sometimes it's a pain in the ass to go to these games. Work, laziness, weak matchups, parking, traffic. Any and all of these have come up, but I have persevered. Life is tough. Kubel 2-HR games make it a little easier.


COMPANY: None (12)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 20,897 (44.8% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $2.00
Total Spent: $5.08
Season Total: $360.01 ($10.28/gm)


Dbag fan of the game:
This guy may have been handicapped, but:

He wore a pink Indians fanny pack
He carried an Indians tote bag
He wore and Indians hat
He wore and Indians shirt
He wore an Indians watch
He had a stache
He wore Indians shorts
He wore Indians socks
He left in the third inning




On Thursday, Kubel's first homer capped a four-run first against Fausto Carmona. The cleanup batter followed an inning later with his second to give Minnesota a 7-0 lead."The swing's come back and that's all I can ask for," Kubel said. It was his fourth career two-homer game and second of the season.

Game 34, And the Dad Inevitability.

S132 R18 S28 6/3/09



Anytime my Dad decides to come to the Twins game, it is usually a bad idea. I don't know what the Twins' record is with my dad in the stands but I would be willing to bet it is something like 4-67.
It doesn't help his cause that most of the games he took me to were in the mid-to-late 1990's.

Tonights game was awful. If you want to hear about it, go watch Baseball Tonight. Although at this point Twins-Indians might not even make it on the show, lest they run out of time for Dave Winfield to croon mustachioed insight.

Tonight's game, fanwise, was awesome though. I got to go to the game with Pops (who was buyin'(!)), Sis, and Bro. Sis and bro are unimaginative psudeonyms, to be sure. Rest assured they will not come up again.

Pops has been taking me to games since I was a little guy. I can easily recall many nights at the Met Center cheering on the North Stars. I remember a few old Vikings games (I remember I was a HUGE Jim McMahon fan when he played for us...Two concussions in one game? Someone get a door sized poster...) here and there. But boy, do I remember the Twins games like they were yesterday.

Digression: Have you ever sat down and thought, really hard, about the concept of professional sports and the pathetic fact that we the people worship them? Stay with me here. If you push your brain to really think about it, like the way you think of the vastness of space you will see a bleak reality.

From the way we pay money we don't have, to watch stranger millionaires play a game made for children in a stadium WE paid for, to the way the athletes themselves lose touch with reality and therein the very people that make their way of life possible: the fans.

You think about it. Go ahead, let yourself get all worked up. Get sad if that is more natural to you. Go talk to others about it, and get them all questioning their very existence. Again, if they cry that is fine.

Just when you think it's all over, as if you have hit some crazy maturity level and could never love sports again, go to a game. I dare you not to get into it.


Sigh. So it goes.

COMPANY: Marty (2), Kevin (3), Katers (1)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 29,336 (62.9% full)
Seat Cost: $0(!!)Thanks Dad!
Parking cost: $0.00
Total Spent: $0
Season Total: $354.93 ($10.43/gm)


DBAG FAN OF THE GAME:

This dumbass actually posed for her Dbag fan picture! Honestly, do you have eyes or just slits where your eyes should be. What an idiot.



The Twins showed little life against Lee, except when Gomez tried to confront him following a flyout in the fifth. While peacemaking first baseman Victor Martinez was blocking Gomez's path and ushering him toward the dugout, the TV replay showed Lee taunt Gomez by saying, "Why didn't you bunt that time?"

Weren't the Indians supposed to be good?? #33

S212 R1 S2 6/2/09







No, really.... Am I supposed to be scared of something called Luis Valbuena? Really?


COMPANY: Zach (10)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 26,530 (56.9% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $0.00
Total Spent: $3.08
Season Total: $354.93 ($10.75/gm)



Dbag fan of the game:

This kid, who screamed at the top of his lungs that "MORNEAU NEEDS TO GO BACK TO THE MINORS!" Yikes.
On a related note, this guy barely beat out the 200 lb eighth grade girl who coughed like she had the swine flu, and ate nacho cheese by dipping her entire hand into the cup and sucking her fingers. Sigh.



"I don't know. I'm not really changing anything, my approach or anything," Mauer said. "I just try to hit the ball hard somewhere and they're starting to fly over the fence."