Game 32 and the worst Usher on Earth.

S227 R10 S1 5/28/09





Dbag USHER of the game


Previously I had mentioned a particularly awful experience I had while itting in my "season" tickets up in 227. Well, we had another AWFUL one on this Thursday but at least we discovered why.

Gar, the octogenarian guardian of section 227, is the worst usher on Earth. There are only a few basic tasks for ushering at the Dome, and you fail most of them, Gar.

1. Make people wait until the end of an at-bat before letting them putz up the stairs.
I have seats on the aisle (Admittedly, a mistake in hindsight) and when people walk up the adjacent stairs, I LITERALLY CANNOT SEE HOME PLATE. This is an important part of my viewing enjoyment. The fact that you do not try to STOP ANYONE is very, very frustrating.

2. Make sure the base of the stairs is clear of lingering spectators.
Again, this is not hard and I do not see any other usher having a problem with this. However, at this particular game I had to walk down THREE TIMES to clear people just standing on the railing for over a half inning. Shit, once I actually had to walk all the way down to the railing to ask YOU to move out of the way. Sigh.

3. Hand out All Star Ballots
Okay, this part was pretty sad. This guy could not make it up the stairs without a loud grunt and desperate grab of a seat to pull himself up. That's right, the guy could not walk up stairs without support and, not only that, but he grasped desperately at the occupied aisle seat in each row in lieu of the handrail. This comically caused each person seated on the aisle to recoil in horror and dive out of his way.

4. Be Pleasant and Helpful
Wow, pleasant? Not quite. Think Grumpy Old Men, only grumpier and older. Double Sigh.





COMPANY: The G Man (2)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 23,958 (51.4% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $2.50
Total Spent: $5.58
Season Total: $351.85 ($10.99/gm)


"I couldn't believe he threw me out, honestly," Redmond said. "I don't go out there, ever, to get thrown out. Especially knowing that Joe's DHing. I can't get thrown out. I really can't get thrown out. I didn't swear at him. I didn't do anything. He just had a short fuse I guess."

Game 31 Stats and D bags

S239 R15 S11 5/27/09




COMPANY: None (10)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 28,221 (60.5% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $2.00
Total Spent: $5.08
Season Total: $346.27 ($11.17/gm)





DBAGS of the Game: ALL STUDENT NIGHT PARTICIPANTS

That's right "Cool frat boy," "Overweight miniskirt chick," "Loser teenager with a chip on his shoulder," "Group of guys waaaay too drunk," "Creepy mid-30's guys on the prowl for 18 year olds," and "Guy wearing Ed Hardy shirt and drinking Mikes Hard Lemonade." All of you.

Matsuzaka and the rest of the Red Sox righties tied a modern-day record with six wild pitches while Twins starter Kevin Slowey was the picture of control in Minnesota's 4-2 victory over Boston.

Game 30 Stats and D Bags

S234 R4 S10 5/26


COMPANY: None (10)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 20,019 (42.9% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $2.00
Total Spent: $5.08
Season Total: $341.19 ($11.37/gm)

"If the bottom of the order can start producing," Punto said, "this can be one of the best offenses in team history."

Game 29- Greetings from Iowa

S235 R3S8 5/25/09





Red Sox "fans", you owe the people of Milwaukee a great deal of gratitude.

You see, while the fact that you Iowans all come to town in your Wal-Mart bought Ortiz jerseys and pollute the Dome air with your fake ass chants of "Let's go Red Sox" is a pain in the ass, it could be worse. You could be Brewers fans.

Yes, it's true. Studies show that 80% of all Red Sox (and Yankees but this is another post) "fans" who visit the Dome each year are from...... Iowa!

This really bugs me, because before 2003 you couldn't find a Red Sox fan. Now thanks to Matt Damon, Jimmy Fallon, and steroids the Red Sox are a household name and a dairy farmer's delight.

I could understand how an Iowan rube could fall for the Cubs, since they have a lot of exposure nationally thanks to WGN and a AAA club rooted in Des Moines. The same argument could be made a few years ago for Atlanta with TBS. The Twins are the closest team geographically, and if I was a kid I would be rooting for them, if only because thats my best shot of seeing my favorite team live.

Front running Iowan assholes bug me, but this past weekend sure put them in perspective. Thank God for Brewers fans.


COMPANY: Wife (6)
Food/Bev: Sprite (1@$4.50)
Attendance: 27,636 (59.3% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $2.00
Total Spent: $9.58
Season Total: $336.11 ($/11.59/gm)

Twins CF Carlos Gomez doubled to start the sixth, but he made a lot more contact than that. Gomez took a home run from Jason Varitek with a jumping, back-against-the-wall catch to end the top of the third. Then he sprawled forward to make a sliding grab of Dustin Pedroia's line drive in the sixth. And before the game, Gomez needed two stitches to close a cut on his forehead when he banged it on a revolving door on his way in.

Game 28 and the Douchebag fan...OF THE SEASON!

S238 R15 S17 5/24/09







So, I am up in 238 watching a 1-1 tie game when Wife receives a text message. Apparently, a couple of her work friends were at the game and wanted to meet up with us. This would normally be just fine until she told me her "friends" were Brewers fans. Sigh.

I still decided to shrug it off. Brewers fans are the worst fans on the face of the Earth, but Wife is entitled to have friends right? Right?

I figured at worst there would be a couple cute chicks in Rickie Weeks shirts, cheering drunkenly and playfully taunting me. So be it. I have done the same thing in Miller Park plenty of times and I am no stranger to angering the locals when in an opposing stadium. What I got were two girls in neutral clothing (score!) who seemed drunk but pleasant. I prematurely felt as though I had overreacted and began to relax.

However, as these ladies sat down, I saw someone drooling and stumbling up the stairs in a Dorsey Levens Packers jersey. My heart dropped as he made a right turn into our row, making everyone stand up in the middle of an at bat. I nearly shit as he plopped his smelly, jean shorts wearing ass next to Wife's lady pals and began drunkenly propositioning the two 12 year old, braces wearing girls in the row in front of us. This guy was, indeed, WITH them!

I tried suuuuper hard to ignore him, despite Wife's pleas to "please be nice to my friend." I put my hand on the side of my face as a sort of blinder and apologized to the fans around us via body language.

He began with that stupid damn "Bill (clap clap clap) Hall (clap clap clap)" chant that makes me want to shove a yard stick up Brewers fan's cheese-holes. Bill Hall was not even hitting at this point, so I politely gave him the dirtiest look EVER. My hand instinctively balled into a fist as my blood pressure rose.

He looked at me and mumbled something along the lines of "Why ishh ith that thuh Twinssss alwayys can beat up Brewers, buttt no one elsse?" (Editors note: Misspelled words are supposed to imply slurring drunkenness.)

I responded with "How many Championships do the Brewers have in franchise history?" He responded deftly with "We aren't talking about football." Sigh. What do I expect from a guy that supports a team RUN BY BUD SELIG?

When Mr. Canada hit his game deciding GRAND SLAM in the bottom of the 7th, it was on. I stood right in front of Dorsey the Douche and gave him the most sarcastic thumbs up ever recorded. I stood on my chair and started chanting "Let's Go Brewers!" as loud as I could.

I even turned around, while still standing on my seat, and started deliberately taking cell phone pictures of depressed Brewers fans. Sadly, I was so excited about all of this the pictures themselves were crap, but the reaction of these turds to my pic taking was priceless...




COMPANY: Wife (5)
Food/Bev: Sprite (1@$4.50)
Attendance: 38,959 (83.5% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $2.00
Total Spent: $9.58
Season Total: $326.53 ($11.66/gm)

"Morneau's homer off Mitch Stetter came one pitch after Stetter hit Mauer in the right wrist with a pitch. Gardenhire had an animated discussion with plate umpire Adrian Johnson after the pitch, before the umpire saw the ball hit Mauer and not his bat."I didn't know what was going on and I started walking back to the on-deck circle because I thought he was telling Joe to go back and hit," Morneau said. "I just went up there. I wasn't thinking about anything. It probably helped me."Mauer, who improved his batting average to .438, homered in the first off Dave Bush (3-1) and singled in the third. He has 10 home runs this month."Making pitches to Mauer is one thing. He still hits them out," Milwaukee manager Ken Macha said. "The next at-bat, he threw him some curveballs, some good ones, and the guy gets a base hit. This guy's locked in.'"

I Still Hate Fat Turd Brewer Fans- DubSeven

235 R12 S11 5/23/09




I hate the fat guy with the Sabathia jersey, I hate the kid in the JJ Hardy T Shirt, I hate the disgusting cow in the PBR hat, I hate the toddler in the Brewers hat, I hate the teenagers in the Ben Sheets shirts. I truly hate them all.....

Another day another beating. The Milwaukee Brewers are a joke.....
Brewer Fan Fun Facts:

Average Weight:
(male): 335 lbs
(female): 325 lbs

Average IQ:
54

Transportation of choice:
Back of a flatbed

Favorite Food:
Any meat product as long as its shaped like a penis (brats, sausage, hot dog etc...) and covered in cheese.

Favorite Book:
Cookbook

Common jobs:
Parolee, Corn husker, Dairy Farmer, Dairy Cow

Favorite Baseball Cheers:
"Vikings suck!" and "Bill (clap clap clap) Hall (clap clap clap)." I seriously get a twitch in my eye when I hear that one...

Commonly, a Brewers fan marries:
Their hottest sister.




DBAG Fan of the Game.....

The ICEMAN! This 400 pounder wheezed and waddled his way up to the 20th row! His face turned red and I could hear him mouth breathing for three innings after. The best part was either the fact he COULDN'T FIT IN HIS SEAT AT ALL or the fact that he didn't leave his seat the entire game knowing that he could never, ever, ever make it back up there again....






COMPANY: Kev Kev (2)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 40,547 (87% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $2.00
Total Spent: $5.08
Season Total: $316.95 ($11.73/gm)

"'He came up here and showed he belongs," said Mauer, who helped keep the 23-year-old Swarzak calm by calling for the right pitches in the right places and checking on the rookie's composure with a couple of well-timed jogs to the mound."

I Hate Fat Turd Brewer Fans--Game 26

234 R10 S12 5/22/09

*this article does NOT pertain to my good pal Erin McMahon. She is a trim, attractive, bright young lady who just happened to make a terrible life choice by cheering for the Brewers....



There were thousands of Brewers fans in attendance tonight at my beloved Metrodome, farting and cussing and generally stinking up the place. I don't know what it is but God do I hate them so, with their XXL T-Shirts and plumber's cracks. And that's just the women.

The men are a complete disaster. No, that PBR cap is not cool. Nor is the matching "vintage" Brewers T-shirt. In fact, let's be honest: A t-shirt's being soiled does not qualify it as "vintage." You are just a dirty brat-slamming Milwaukee piece of garbage.

Hey, girl behind me? How about giving your cry of "Let's go Mannnnnnyyyyyyyyy" a GD rest huh? It's 11-0, we are beating the hell out of your favorite (Title-less. Ouch) team, and Manny Parra has been sitting his worthless ass on the bench for over three innings. Can it.

Sigh. Cuddyer hit for the cycle and the Brewers, as usual, suck at life.

COMPANY:RA (3), Jake (1)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 30,297 (65% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $1.50
Total Spent: $4.58
Season Total: $311.87 ($12.00/gm)


DBag fan of the game


There were worse fans tonight, to be sure. However, this woman who brought an entire Tupperware container full of cherries with pits was pretty bizarre. Yikes.



"'I guess it was in the cards for me," said Cuddyer, who was given the ball from the triple. "A broken bat down the left-field line to complete the cycle is not something you see everyday.'"

Vote Mauer for Jesus 2012

Alex Rodriguez and his Aching Vagina

Dear Diary,

Today I woke up and boy, did my lil' vagina hurt. I rubbed it and put my special cream the doctor gave me on it but nothing could take away the hurt.

I called my bestest rich friend Mark Texasarea and he said that his pussy was hurting, too! What ever were we going to do?

We traced it back to that gosh-darned Carlos Gomez. When he ran into Mark Texasarea at first base, I sure was mad! I made sure to show the umpire exactly what Gomez did to him, by violently gesturing with my elbow! It looked EXACTLY LIKE I DID WHEN I TRIED TO SLAP THE BALL OUT OF ARROYO'S GLOVE IN THE ALCS!

God, why am I such a cheating, roid taking, pussy having bitch boy paper champion?

Please respond asap

Your Pal,

Alexis

On Children, Baseball and the Unhealthy Marriage Between the Two. G25

Sec227 R10xxxR9 S1xxxS4



So I have a "20 game Gold Glove" package of Twins season tickets. I realize this puts me low on the season ticket holder totem pole, but what happened today was pretty ridiculous.

Apparently, today was poorly supervised and under-chaperoned kids day at the Dome. (First of all I should note: I like kids just fine. They rub me the wrong way sometimes but for the most part I am patient enough to handle them just fine.) That being said, I was more than a little overwhelmed when I got to section 227 and saw my two seats taken by a pair of acne faced 12 year olds and my row, the row in front of it and the row behind me literally crammed with junior high kids.

We asked the kids to move, but they just gave us a bunch of attitude and went and talked to their teacher. Meanwhile I went and spoke to the usher, "Gar," who seemed crabby at best. I tried explaining my situation and I asked if we could move down a few rows. He replied that we could not, because those seats are $4 more per game. I was losing my patience and asked him if it was really necessary to make me sit in "the middle of a sea of pre-pubescent children." He responded that since my seats were on the aisle "I wasn't in the middle of anything." Asshole.

So we sat in our seats (which were being kicked the whole time) and waited for the game to begin. Within three minutes an overwhelmed teacher was on the steps sitting next to me. She wanted to see my tickets. I was happy to oblige, without making any eye contact. I was feeling less than generous at the time and was pretty upset at how the situation was unfolding.

"I was under the impression that we had reserved this block of seats," she began. "I want to see if you guys are in the right spot." She looked at the tickets and wouldn't you know it we were in the right seats. Weird. I barely ever come here I can't believe I was right.

"So guys, I'm not trying to tell you what to do but we were short a couple seats and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind moving down a row. Besides, you know how junior high kids will just be up and down the whole game so maybe you would just be more comfortable moving."

Fine. We will f-ing move. Out of my "Season Tickets." Into seats owned by someone else, who will inevitably show up in the third inning and make us get up and move embarrassingly in the middle of an inning. And wouldn't you know it, they did. So we moved in a few seats, behind a fried-out homeless guy and next to a lady who glared and plugged her ears every time I clapped.

The best part of row nine was the characters who insisted on getting up to smoke one-by-one at inappropriate times in the game. They included the guy who looked like he was in the Partridge Family in the 70's and never lost the haircut; The three lesbians (one of whom inexplicably wore a chef's hat); a guy that looked like Jon Voigt from 'Deliverance'; and a huge girl with an ankle, wrist and knee brace. At one point she had a tray with a waffle cone, beer, large soda, nachos and peanuts. Diabetes!

The tipping point was when I felt the drip down the back of my sweatshirt. Already sure I had been spilled on, I stood up to survey the damage. I was now wearing a malt cup, stick and all! I was delighted that not only had I been spilled on but that the fat turd girl (who had CLEARLY had enough malt cups for one pre-teen in her day) decided not to tell me this had happened allowing it to dry. It was at this point I called it a day.

Sigh.



Oh yeah- the Twins scored 6 runs in the bottom of the seventh off a depleted bullpen, namely Bobby Seay, to win 6-5.



DBAG Fan O' the Game!

This guy sprinted down an entire row to wrestle a foul ball out of an elderly man's hands. I am not exaggerating. He tore it from this poor guys mitts.



COMPANY:Isaac (1)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 26,046 (55.9% full)
Seat Cost: $21.00
Parking cost: $1.50
Total Spent: $22.50
Season Total: $307.29($12.29/gm)

Game 24- Five Hours and One Hell of an Ending.

240 R15S8 5/13/09



240 R15S8 5/13/09





Dontrelle Willis. What a joke. Baseball is a funny game. If you have one or two good seasons it seems as though there will almost always be a team willing to throw millions of dollars at you. Players like Lew Ford sometimes only need HALF a season of dec to be considered MLB worthy and stick around inexplicably for years.

So it goes.

This particular game was a back and forth affair, with the Twins down 10-9 going into the bottom of the bottom of the 13th at approximately 1140 PM. After scrapping together a run to tie it, Joe Crede Walked Off with a Grand Slam at 11:58. Sweet.




DBAG FAN o' THA GAME!


Ok so sometimes I go to Twins games all by my lonesome. It's a little akward but not a big deal. Sometimes, it can actually be really fun.

That being said, the hardest part is picking a spot to sit out in GA.....by yourself. At this particular game I chose to sit pretty far up, so I wouldn't have to deal with too many people. There was a half row open in front of me and at least 15 open rows behind me.

So why the f did this teacher* need her class* to fill in the gd seats around me instead of just taking up a row or three DIRECTLY BEHIND ME! You had an ugly ass Tigers shirt on, and it made me NEED a Tigers loss, which I got in a most triumphant fashion. Good night, overbite!





COMPANY: None (9)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 22,178 (47.6% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $1.50
Total Spent: $4.58
Season Total: $285.29($11.88/gm)

"'Everybody needed that ... except maybe the other side," said Twins manager Ron Gardenhire, as Thursday's noon start time loomed"

Game 23---Detroilet Edition.....

234 r10S1 5/12/09




At one point Armando Galaraagaaa was a hot commodity in my fantasy league. Armando Galarrraggaaa sucks donkey balls. He pitches at a terribly slow pace, and has no out pitch. He is like a skinny Boof Bonser. Easy Twins win. It should also be noted that Jim Leyland continues to disgust me. He is like the Grandpa I am glad I never had. I would be pissed off if I were the next manager to have to use the visiting manager's office and that crusty old queef had hot-boxed it with Marlboros the entire week before. (deep breath). You suck, Leyland!




Dbag Fan of the Hood-Game

"Bitch you don't know me. My ankle hurts, so my girl, her momma and my keeds needs to sit down herr in tha handizzle capped row. Hell Yeah I see them old folk walkin up seven rows to open seats but bitch my ankle hurt! Get off me!"





COMPANY: Zach (9)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 24,807 (53.2% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $0
Total Spent: $3.08
Season Total: $280.71($12.20/gm)

"He hit it and I turned the wrong way," Thomas said. "So I probably could have had that one too, but I turned the wrong way off the jump and it got by me. That one was definitely hit better, so that would've been a harder play, but I still think I should've made it."

And now, for a classic Sunday Letdown. 22

S234 R2S11 5/10/09





.... And then Jose Mijares entered the game. It was the top of the eight and the Twins were clinging to a 2-0 lead. As Jose wiggled and waddled his way to the mound, the domy sky suddenly turned a noticeable shade of gray. The crowd began fidgeting in their seats.

Some relaxed after Mijares retired Ichiro to open the inning but I knew better. This Twins bullpen is BAD. Historically bad. Ron Davis bad.

Gigantic Jose proceeded to walk the weak hitting Jose Lopez, bringing up the tying run in Ken Griffey, Jr. (Do we really need to add the "Jr" still? I mean, is anyone really gonna think the old Ken Griffey is still playing?) After Mi-so-hungry-ares fell behind 2-0 I turned to Zach and said something to the effect of "Fastball. Tie game. Not going to look." and buried my head in my hands. I heard the crack of the bat and the crowds sigh. Zach tells me the ball landed in the Subway HotSpot. Who the f cares. Good god. Sign Tony Fiore or something.


COMPANY: None (8)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 25,555 (54.8% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $1.50
Total Spent: $4.58
Season Total: $277.63($12.61/gm)



Griffey's 26 homers at the Metrodome are the second-most by a visiting player, one behind Jim Thome. He hit it through a hole in a banner advertising a $25,000 giveaway for such a feat.

DubOne- Mauer Morneau and the secret of Life.

S238 R22S22 5/9/09



So I had two tickets to this game as part of my 20 game package.... only Wife wanted to take her pal Beki for the latter's 25th birthday. So I would have to sit in GA by myself.

This is no big deal, as I have been to plenty of games (7) by myself this year. Justin and Joey Da Gun went back to back for the second game in a row and Kuuuuuubel almost joined them by hitting a shot to the wall in center. All was well in the Dome.

The secret to life is this: If you aren't there, it will happen and you will miss it. This rule has already come to fruition twice this year. I was late for the first time all year and missed Joey's first HR.

But this was worse. As I sat alone in GA, Wife and Beki were in the row selected as "Hormel Row of Fame." As the famous song began "If you are at the game/in Hormel's row of fame...." I looked up at the jumbo screen and there was Wife, mugging for the cameras! I have not spoken to her since.

COMPANY: None (8)
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 29,552 (63.4% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $1.50
Total Spent: $4.58
Season Total: $273.05($13.00/gm)



"I hit a home run, it doesn't happen a whole lot," Mauer said with a wide grin. "Then he's got to go back and show everybody that he can do it too. I always give him a hard time, saying, 'Hey, look at me, I can do it too.' It's all in fun."

Hells Yeah

If we did anything less against something called JAkovasaurus i'd be bummed

11-0...Is that good? Game 20!

S238 R22S15 05/08/09






My love for Joe Mauer has evolved from Man-crush to Bromance to Guy Love. I'm only a couple seconds from stalker mode. Wife, however, still loves her some Kubel. What does she know? Hail Joe!



DBAG Fan UvDagizame Son



Hey, Jerk ass group of too drunk college kids: Your schtick only works if you are good looking. On a related note, your skirts only work if you are good looking, too. When you fell down a row and your ass (literally) fell out of your pants, I heard people gagging. I'm just sayin....

COMPANY: None
Food/Bev: None
Attendance: 29,714 (63.7% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $1.50
Total Spent: $4.58
Season Total: $268.47($13.42/gm)

Player Hater: New York Gay Yankees

This is a new feature called player haters. I will go team by team until the hatred is complete...


NEW YORK GAY YANKEES

CC Sa-fat-thia- CATEGORY (overrated) Going on record admitting you "HATE THE TWINS" was just strike one. The way you cock your hat and continue to gain weight is strike two. Then, you signed with the Yankees and became truly hated. Strike Three-you are officially a douche. A fat douche.





Nick Squisher-CATEGORY (douchebag) Your head looks like a penis. Also, all of these photos happened....







Haha that's messed up. You slobbed on Vicente Padilla? Yuck! Just imagining Padilla's sweaty taint in my grill is enough to make me puke. You lived it.



Jenny Damon-CATEGORY (douchebag) Although your rocket of an arm makes it nearly impossible to hate on you, you are maybe a top 5 all-time douche. In ONE year you went from being a lovable caveman on a quirky team to a slicked-hair, suit wearing cockbag. Touche.

Hail, King douche


A-Roid- I dont really need to get into this too much. Just look:

John Danks, Superstar...

Game 19...No-no? No no no.

S234 R15 S1 05/03/09



Damn you Scott Baker, you foul temptress. For the second time in three years you teased me into believing that YES this was the time I finally got to see a no hitter.

In 2007 You got damn close to a perfect game against these same Royals. It was the second game of a doubleheader (due to the I-35 bridge collapse) and you were rolling through 8. You walked John Buck (Yeah, John Buck. What of it?) but it was still a no-no.

Then, noted thug/asshole Mike Sweeney blooped a single to left and that was that. But at least we ended up winning the game! This time, you were not as close to perfection, and you ended up even further from a win.

DBAG Fan Of The Game!!

Wife has a theory that people like this douchebag in a Yankees jersey wear such things to a Twins-Royals game because it's "Their only baseball shirt." I buy this theory for a small child, after all what is more adorable than a little kid wearing his full uniform at the Dome, down to the eye black?

However, when you are over thirty with your Twins shirt wearing wife and geeky kid, wearing a Yankee jersey is an automatic qualifier for DBAG FOG. Ass.




COMPANY:Zach (7), RA (2), Wife (3)
Food/Bev:None
Attendance: 31,845 (68.3% full)
Seat Cost: $3.08
Parking cost: $1.50
Total Spent: $4.58
Season Total: $263.90($13.88/gm)